


everybody talks, everybody talks, everybody talks too much

by Asian_Aaron_Samuels



Series: Crossovers Nobody Asked For [1]
Category: Hellboy (Movies), The Boy (2016 Bell)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys Being Boys, Concussions, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Crushes, Gossip, Humor, M/M, Romance, cameo from a superhero show character, i.e. being idiots, if you're looking for a sequel to The Boy you came to the wrong fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-31 21:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12141399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asian_Aaron_Samuels/pseuds/Asian_Aaron_Samuels
Summary: After making sure Greta is safe back in Montana, Malcolm joins the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense at the behest of his twin, John Myers. He takes to his job well enough, having spent his previous years at Quantico with John, being the new Hellboy Handler (patent pending). As such, he spends an awful lot of time with HB on and off the field. And as luck would have it, he eventually develops a crush on him.It's all water cooler gossip from there as the agents notice the lingering touches and infatuated stares.





	everybody talks, everybody talks, everybody talks too much

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Beware_The_Ravenstag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beware_The_Ravenstag/gifts).



> My buddy Rachel's having a tough time in college, so here's a shitty, self indulging fic for her. And me.. Mostly me... fuck her.
> 
> If you've seen Hellboy but haven't seen The Boy, it's okay, just know that Malcolm is a good boy and I 100% believe is actually John Myers in disguise after leaving the BPRD when HB sent him away. Scorned lovers, man. :p
> 
> If you've seen The Boy but haven't seen Hellboy... what is wrong with you? Why doesn't anyone love you? You need to learn to treat yo self. Go use your Netflix subscription, find an FYE, go to that movie rental store that surprisingly hasn't gone out of business, or your local pawn shop or second hand store and get yourself a copy! You won't regret it.

When it happened it didn't faze the demon prince. The smile curling Liz's lips and the mischievous glint in her brown eyes only made nostalgia numb his senses as he remembered their youth. Hellboy watched as the dark haired woman hopped onto a surface devoid of cats and general mess in his room. 

"Hey, Red," she purred too sweetly.

"Liz," the demon grinned.

"Have you seen Malcolm around?"

His grin instantly turned into a frown, Boy Scout's twin? Looks exactly like the BPRD director but with facial hair and doesn't always smell like motor oil?

"Why?"

"Just wondering," Liz replied innocently enough.

Had it been anyone else, Hellboy would've known something was up. But his cracked rose tinted glasses were on.

"What do you think about him?"

"He's a wannabe Captain America like his brother," the backhanded compliment rolled off his tongue easily. "I guess we have him to blame if he's the older twin. Little Myers is like this because of him."

Hellboy had taken a liking to calling the twins by order of their birth; Malcolm being Big Myers and John was dubbed Little Myers ("I'm just two minutes younger!" John exclaimed at the room of laughing agents. "We're the same height! How can I possibly be Little Myers?!").

"HB."

"Kidding, can't have enough heroes in the world."

"Besides that, do you like him?"

"Are you and Big Myers dating?!" Hellboy shouted, startling the nearby cats and getting a very unimpressed overweight tabby on his bed.

Liz couldn't help but cackle at the idea, he really was a _boy_. This was going to be fun.

"I promise I'm not seeing Malcolm," she answered, fighting the smile that begged to be seen.

They let the conversation die there, instead Hellboy brought up the mission to Greece that wasn't dangerous enough to warrant… special people, but was still the hottest talk around the compound.

* * *

Agent Mahoney was a newcomer to the Bureau and quite the odd hire. A month ago he was a detective in Manhattan. Now he was keeping the world safe from threats he never would've imagined to be real. His first encounter with Hellboy was his favourite story to date. He'd been assigned to his team when Agent Lime was recovering and the mission required an able bodied agent with knowledge of the terrain. 

He watched Hellboy's six while two other agents stayed with Liz Sherman. Flagging the red demon was his liaison, Agent Myers 2.0 as everyone liked to joke, including said man. They stealthily ventured further into Central Park, keeping an ear out for the sound of wings. In all his life, Mahoney never thought a vampire bird would be something he'd ever have to hunt down.

Malcolm had insisted they rest by the park's fountain while the _wak wak wak_ of the monster's wings told them how far they were from their target. Shortly after stopping, a heated argument broke out between Agents Balaoro and Forrest. While he tried to ignore them, he couldn't help but hear about how Balaoro was sleeping with Forrest's sister. Malcolm, bless his heart, tried to keep them from pointing their guns at each other while yet _another_ fight between Liz and Hellboy happened just two feet away.

Mahoney thought he signed up for the SHIELD of real life organizations. Instead, he was sitting backseat to problems best discussed not at 2:23 in the morning in a park with a Filipino creature on the loose. But hey, who was he to talk? He was the new guy.

The new agent took a seat on the fountain's rim and tried in vain to tune out the chatter. But Balaoro's nasally voice was drowning out even the demon prince's gravely one. He stared down at his feet, looking at the shadows cast by the quarter moon.

"Okay, all of you, enough! You lot want to argue? Take it outside the park. Otherwise, we have a serious bloody fucking issue on our hands, mates!" Malcolm had reached his breaking point and yelled at his teammates. Mahoney was impressed. 

Until he wasn't.

With the rest of the team quiet and either flushed with shame (the humans) or disgruntled at being shouted at like a child (the demon), the black agent realized why he couldn't hear the Wakwak. He wracked his brain for the director's parting words.

_'Don't forget, as long as you can hear the Wakwak's wings beating loudly, you're in the clear. If it's close, it's quiet. And you don't want that thing ripping out your heart. Stay safe, guys.' John warned._

Mahoney didn't dare turn around, just searched the ground for the shadow of anything abnormal. When he caught the outline of something gargoyle-ish, he took a steadying breathe.

"Guys," he called out.

"What is it, Mahoney?" Hellboy replied.

"Is the Wakwak sitting on the fountain?" 

He took the dreadful silence that followed as a yes and gulped. The red skinned agent lifted his gun toting hand up to level it with the monster in question.

"Mahoney," Forrest began, "In five seconds, dart towards us as fast as you fucking can, man."

A quick nod then he started to count down.

_Five._

_Four._

_Three._

_Two._

A bone chilling screech filled the air and he gunned it towards the team. Hellboy fired at the birdlike creature twice and he was rewarded with the beast not lifting the rookie into the air.

That didn't mean the Wakwak was satisfied with having no victim. In three seconds flat it had Malcolm in its grip.

"Malcolm!" Liz cried out.

The man let out an assortment of British and American curse words as he angled his gun as much as possible to shoot at the creature. He was about ten feet in the air when he managed to get a shot and made a clean hole through its left wing. The rest of the team proceeded to carefully aim at the Wakwak, weakening it more and more until a bullet from Mahoney struck it just an inch away from its heart. The monster and Malcolm both went crashing down into the mess of trees. Balaoro was already calling in the recovery team to tag and bag the Wakwak as they all ran as quickly as they could.

The team rushed to the line of the woods, all silently hoping a poorly aimed shot didn't hit the agent. Hellboy was the first to reach the bodies. He dropped to his knees and used both hands to cradle his liaison's face. Malcolm grunted at the poor bedside manner but opened his eyes to look at the demon.

"You have yellow eyes," he mumbled.

"Little slow on the uptake, aren't ya, Big Myers?"

Liz copied Hellboy's pose and checked over the older man for bruises and broken bones, batting away Hellboy's hands as she inspected Malcolm's pupils with a BPRD issued pen light. Mahoney crouched down when he reached them to get a look at the senior agent. He looked no worse for wear, a little disoriented from the crash landing, but he'd live to play the piano.

"Nice shot, new guy," Malcolm teased, grinning lopsidedly at him.

"We need to get back, you could have a concussion," Forrest stated once he arrived.

"Myers, what's your full name?" the black man questioned.

"Malcolm.. Bartholomew Myers."

Mahoney looked at Liz for verification, but she could only give him an unsure shrug. She didn't know him as well as she did his brother.

The demon raised a brow at the name reveal, "Your parents hated you. Bad enough your name already sounds like Michael Myers." 

"Bar.. lomew after my grandfather," the agent in question defended.

"Keep asking him questions," Liz urged as she radioed in for a medic.

"Where were you born?"

"Mm, Kansas."

"That's good. How old are you?"

"Twenty nine."

"What's the age gap between you and the director?"

"Who?" 

The team worriedly looked at one another.

"Your brother, man. Same age as you, same height as you, almost the exact same face."

"What was the question?" Malcolm's hazel green eyes disappeared behind his eyelids as his face scrunched up in pain. "Bloody hell, my head hurts.." 

The former cop peered down at his watch then at the path they had taken to get to the crash site.

"The med team isn't going to get here in time. His pupils aren't the same size, his head hurts, and he can't remember the minutes between him and the director."

Liz opened her mouth to offer some positive words but she was silenced by the demon next to her picking up the injured agent and cradling him in his arms like a broken doll.

"I'll get him there."

The rest of the agents watched as he leaped onto a nearby tree and jumped from tree to tree until they no longer heard the rustle of leaves or the shift of branches.

It took a little over ten minutes for the second group of agents to contain the threat that could've taken Malcolm's life. Mahoney stayed close to the senior agents, more often than not resting his left hand on a shoulder and his right on the handle of his gun. Couldn't be too safe.

By the time they returned to the entrance of the park, Malcolm was strapped down to a stretcher with Hellboy talking to him. When the latter caught sight of his team, he gave a subtle shake of his head while pointing the glowing end of his cigar at the indisposed male.

Worry churned in Mahoney's gut as they traveled back to the BPRD. While relieved and frankly proud of saving Malcolm, he didn't know if the other agent would be okay. 

Upon reaching the Bureau, Malcolm was wheeled off to the medical wing with Hellboy following closely behind, much to the chagrin of the staff. When questioned about his proximity and investment in the brunet's state, he simply stated Malcolm was his friend.

Mahoney stayed with Liz after Forrest and Balaoro left, waiting for someone to update them on Malcolm's condition. Or for Hellboy to grow tired of playing the Dad Friend and have to cross their path to return to his quarters.

"I hope they're okay," Liz murmured when the black agent returned with coffee. 

"They?"

She chewed on her lip, "Nothing, ignore me." Her head tilted in thought as she scrutinized her colleague. "You're a good agent, John will be happy to hear how you saved his brother." The pyro followed up her observation with a thoughtful, drawn out sip of her coffee.

The agent flushed, suddenly embarrassed at the high praise. After four more hours of playing the waiting game and questioning nurses and doctors who only knew Malcolm by reputation, the pair decided to retire and parted ways with a hug.

Mahoney later found out in passing that Malcolm asked the demon prince to stay with him. To watch over him while he got over his concussion of course.

* * *

John was staying up late in Professor Broom's old office researching ways to ward off doppelgangers when his twin entered the room. He wiggled his fingers at Abe and deposited a bottle of cheap whiskey on the younger Myers's desk. They went back and forth about the ethics of drinking in the workplace and how John didn't like alcohol to begin with. There was name calling, ranks were brought up, ages were brought up, and then finally the twins settled on the floor with Abe passing the bottle back and forth. Of course the latter didn't partake, but he enjoyed the companionship outside of his tank and found his boss's responses to the bitter liquid fascinating. After the bottle was missing a third of its content, Hellboy and Liz appeared with two six packs and high spirits. The latter was all to eager to talk about the twins' childhoods, which turned out to be a terrible idea. 

Everyone at the BPRD assumed Malcolm and John were raised together in a two parent household with a white picket fence and maybe a beagle named Brownie. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Malcolm revealed to the group that after their parents died, all five Myers siblings were separated to live with relatives who could only take in a child each. That left John living with their uncle Thad in Oklahoma and Malcolm being taken in by their older cousin Chet in Chicago. Only that didn't last long--Chet had vices and mountains of debt to the mob--and he was uprooted less than a year later and being flown across the Atlantic to live with his grandmother Pearl in the UK. There was a reason why John and Malcolm only mirrored each other to a point, they hadn't spent much time with each other since they were six. Even in the academy, they prioritized different areas of their studies and training and formed separate groups of friends.

The few things they did share in common besides an inclination towards heroics was their "gift".

"Malcolm," Liz began, "Is it true that you're a psychic?"

"That's not the word I'd use."

"He's a little clairvoyant," the director clarified.

"If you can't tell the future, what's the point?" Hellboy grunted.

"It's wonky," Malcolm pouted, "I can read palms and tea leaves, but as for real visions, I can't look into a crystal ball and tell you how you're going to die. I'd give you a more accurate read than some commercial advertised psychic though."

Abe turned to John, "Et tu, Brutus?"

"Oh, don't look at me. I was never good at that stuff," John threw his hands up in mock defeat.

"We're more like novice fortune tellers."

"But we do get vibes," John pointed out.

"Oh yeah."

"What kind of vibes?" the pyro asked excitedly.

The brothers shared a look, communicating wordlessly on how to describe that gut feeling.

"It's a little like Déjà vu without the 'I feel like I've lived this moment before,'" one brother answered.

"It's this feeling we get before something big happens, something more or less life changing," the other brother finished.

"That's.. amazing," Liz smiled, her blue friend nodding besides her.

"I wouldn't say my gift is as prominent," the younger Myers confessed, "If you want to know the likelihood of defeating the Final Boss you'd have to go to Mal."

"Yes, leave your big brother to all the work, eh?"

"Excuse you, at least I mastered cold reading."

"Sorry, I can't pick up auras like you can, but at least I can do astromancy."

"You know I can't remember all of the stars!"

"Don't worry, Agent Myers 2.0 is here," the older agent winked.

Hellboy roared in delight as Liz did her best to not laugh. Abe's eyes flickered between the twins, ready to intervene if they turned into twelve year old boys. To everyone's utter surprise, John picked up a rotten egg and hit his brother square in the forehead with it. The pyro couldn't keep her laughter at the wet smear left behind on Malcolm's head.

"Gentlemen," the amphibious man said just above a whisper. 

Malcolm launched himself at his brother, the pair fighting and rolling across the floor like enraged vipers. Nevertheless, they didn't hit to injure and Liz's laughter died in her throat as she hurriedly tried to pry them apart.

"Red!" she yelled.

"Just let 'em work it out, all this toxic alpha male stuff isn't healthy," Hellboy stated in a matter of fact tone. "Soon they'll be back to singing The Beach Boys and hugging out their feelings."

"Red," Liz's palms emitted blue flames as she narrowed her eyes at her ex.

With a huff, the demon got up from his seat and sauntered over to where John had Malcolm in a surprisingly impressive headlock (later he'd compliment Little Myers on stretching his arm back enough that he could grab his shirt for extra control). He grabbed the younger twin by the scruff of his neck like one of his cats and tossed him at Abe's feet, then he looped his normal arm around his liaison's waist to pull him back to his feet.

Malcolm's legs bucked under his weight, leaving Hellboy no other choice but to keep holding him lest he crumble. Liz stood between the two brothers and levelled a glare at their panting forms.

"Stop fighting like kids or I'll ground you like ones," the black haired agent warned.

Two minutes apart or not, they knew better than to not listen to Liz as they apologized to each other and then the rest of the group for their childish behaviour. Hellboy didn't realize how long he'd been holding Malcolm up until the younger man cleared his throat and gestured at the red arm still in place.

"Sorry."

Had the demon been looking, he would've seen the streak of color as red as his skin paint Malcolm's cheeks.

* * *

Clay was an agent through and through, he took pride in his job even when he was knee deep in sewer water. After recovering from his wounds inflicted upon him by Kroenen, he was convinced into taking a break from helping save the world. Clay was indignant when Hellboy of all people strongly advised against returning to work. Nevertheless, he decided to take a vacation. 

In the end it was a very productive and relaxing two years off. He went to his grandfather Nicholas's cabin in Wisconsin where he tested his hand at hunting and fishing. After he grew tired of roughing it--and being in a state where there was nothing but Packers fans--Clay went back to his New Jersey townhouse to work on himself. He exercised four times a week, ate healthier, took kickboxing and salsa dancing classes, and even found himself a nice gal.

Then _Director_ John Myers came to his shared townhouse--he and Stephanie deemed themselves ready to take their relationship to the next step--asking if he was ready to return to work. No pressure of course. Clay had thought it over, discussed it with his girlfriend (being vague about the details she didn't need to know but telling her about his near brush with death. She was completely supportive and told him to do what was right for him.

So he came back with much fanfare. As soon as he had gotten off the lift, Lime was there pulling him into a hug and demanding that they get beers after their shifts. Abe and Liz showed him as much affection as they dared. John welcomed him back with a firm handshake and introduced him to his twin brother and Hellboy's new liaison.

Clay was taken aback when he met Malcolm. When he returned to Jersey, he regularly went out with his old coworkers to shoot the shit and keep up with all the almost world ending disasters the BPRD handled. One of the hot pieces of gossip to come up more than once was that Hellboy had a soft spot for his new handler. He had laughed countless times at the rumour, chalking it up to agents that needed to go through the mandatory Sexual Harassment and Appropriate Interpersonal Behaviour to make sure they knew to put two and two together and get Hellboy didn't have a crush on anyone except for Liz Sherman. Clay humoured his friends and rolled his eyes when they teased him for leaving due to a lover's quarrel with the big, bad, red man himself.

Seeing Malcolm Myers in the flesh made him rethink the speculation.

"Clay," Hellboy greeted with a wolfish grin, "Nice to see you're giving Rogaine a chance. You look less like Atlantic City Ken and more like a whitewashed Freddie Mercury."

Lime snorted, "If Freddy Mercury let himself go."

"And became a boring heterosexual," Malcolm quipped.

Said agent rolled his eyes in a way he hoped didn't come across as fondly. The group that formed to welcome him back dispersed, leaving the red demon with his former liaison. Clay had seen the twins go down the hall leading to the director's office (a dull sort of pain resonated in his chest at the memory of the old man that took a chance and hired him. Not that he'd admit that sober). Abe and Liz had disappeared amongst the crowd.

Hellboy scratched at the skin around his left horn stub, "So wanna have a beer after you clock out?"

"Yeah, kind of owe me after all."

Clay had worked with Hellboy for seven years, so he knew when his words affected the demon. The way his glowing eyes stopped resembling topazes and the more obvious downwards shift of his lips.

"How do you like working with Myers's brother?... Myers."

"It's fine," Hellboy shrugged.

"You like him?"

"I guess."

"That's good," Clay replied lamely.

When Clay got off work, he went straight to Hellboy's quarters where the door was wide open. He poked his head in to see the most absurd sight ever. The 6'1 demon chasing after the 5'10 human with a cat.

"Red, knock it off!"

"Come on, you're not as allergic like Little Myers. You'll be fine. Just hold Churro for five seconds."

"Piss off!"

Hellboy laughed maniacally as he continued to pursue the shorter male who sidestepped furniture and cats at every turn. With a smirk, he pulled out the small notepad from his back pocket--John had him working in surveillance and recon, a cushier job with more field work and less babysitting--and wrote a little note to explain himself.

After the demon managed to pin Malcolm onto his bed and cover him in cats, he noticed a piece of paper tucked under a Baby Ruth. 

_'rain check HB. Didn't wanna ruin your moment. -clay'_

* * *

It was Manning who let Hellboy in on the gossip surrounding him. He was visiting the Bureau for his usual "Christ Almighty Hellboy You're Making Me Look Like A Fool Every Time I Say You Don't Exist" lecture. The older gentleman had heard the rumour during his last visit, noting the way Malcolm's eyes would wander to his overage charge more than necessary. Even witnessing the secretive smiles Liz would have when she saw them interact. 

Manning was pissed, shouting at the demon for inflicting a ridiculous amount of damage on private property and having the gall to flip the bird at a reporter. They went back and forth until Manning, as red in the face as Hellboy, decided to take a bold stab at the agent.

"Perhaps if you weren't busy canoodling with Agent Myers you'd realize how much damage you're inflicting!"

"Now you're just being an ass," Hellboy scowled.

"No doubt, but maybe Malcolm Myers's crush on you isn't as one sided as the rest of the Bureau seems to believe." He glared up at the demon before leaving. Grumbling about how things would be different if he had stayed on as director.

Hellboy was rooted in place, thinking about the other man's words. They clouded his head like smoke until he let out a frustrated roar and stalked off to go hit his punching bag before he took it out on some poor agent. 

* * *

Despite popular belief, Hellboy did have manners. Just because he chose to blow smoke in someone's face and didn't wait for everyone to sit down before digging into his food didn't mean he wasn't raised with proper etiquette. It was a conscious choice on his part.

So it came as a surprise when the person knocking on the door to John's office turned out to be the demon prince.

"HB," John smiled, "What can I do for you?"

"Uh, yeah, I have a question."

Ever polite, the Director of the BPRD stopped doing work to give his employee his undivided attention. He quirked a brow to prompt the older man.

"It's about Malcolm."

"Is it about your cats? Don't worry, he's going through immunotherapy. I told him to just do the pills like I did, but he wants a more permanent solution."

"No, it's about-" Hellboy cut himself off, "I just heard something about him that might not be true."

The younger Myers twin frowned like a disappointed father, "What've you heard about him?" 

"Is he-is he gay?"

"Is he gay?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"So was the thing you wanted to talk about people assuming he was or wasn't gay?" John stopped looking like a disappointed father and more like an understanding priest.

The red demon tried to give the brunet his most convincing smile, "You know what? Your brother's a big boy, he can handle the others. Thanks for the intel, Little Myers. See ya."

And on that note, Hellboy beat a hasty retreat, leaving behind a very confused John Myers in his wake.

John turned to Abe, having been in his tank the entire time. "Did you get any of that?" 

"I believe Red has discovered your brother's attraction to him, so he came to verify Malcolm's sexuality."

"Okay, just wanted to make sure I knew what was happening."

Abe continued playing with his Rubix cube, "If that's how he reacts to Malcolm being gay, I wonder how he'll respond to you being bisexual."

"Time will tell," John returned to his paperwork.

* * *

Hellboy found Malcolm in the locker room, freshly showered and pulling on a pair of boxers. The dark haired man noticed he was being watched and turned his head to look at the demon. His skin started to turn pink from his pecs up.

"HB, what's up?"

"I heard a rumour from Manning," Hellboy stated.

"Oh? What of? That river monster in Sandy Hooks real?"

"He said that you liked me."

Malcolm paused before smiling charmingly, "Of course I like you."

"That's not what I meant," the red skinned demon frowned. "Manning said you liked me in a way that means you would want to kiss me."

With his lips pressed together in a thin line, the younger man looked down and sniffed. He put on his civvies, a pair of loose fitting jeans, work boots, and a checker patterned dress shirt. Any other time, Hellboy would've teased him for dressing like a substitute teacher, but as Malcolm turned to face him again, Hellboy could only think about being scolded by a stern teacher. Especially when he stared up at him with his arms crossed.

"What if I do? You gonna send me away to Antarctica like you tried Johnny?" the brunet challenged.

"I wouldn't do that," Hellboy reassured.

"Then what? Ask my little brother if he can have me sent to a different department? Maybe let Clay have his old job back? Or maybe just have me fired so I'll hop back on the next flight out to London."

"Just answer the damn question!"

"Fine!" Malcolm slammed his fist into the locker beside Hellboy's head, the metal ringing loud like a gunshot. "I like you! I love my bloody job because it means I get to spend time with you! I do immunotherapy because you love your cats. I was really jealous of Lizzie when we first met because I could see the way you glowed when she walked into the room. I didn't beg you to stay with me when I had a concussion because I didn't want to bother John, I asked you to because I wanted to see if you cared!" He huffed, "You happy?"

The red demon was stunned into silence, he hunted down the shorter man specifically to have this talk, and now that they were having it he was at a loss for words. Hellboy wasn't blind, he knew what he looked like and he knew what the Myers Twins looked like.

"You shouldn't like me in that way.."

"That's your response? You badger me into revealing my crush and then you try and ward me off? So then what's the goddamn point?!"

"I'm not exactly boyfriend material, Malcolm. You're better off getting over your feelings." Hellboy sighed, this wasn't how he wanted the conversation to go. Stupid complicated humans.

"Oh for the love of Christ," Malcolm rubbed a hand over his stubbly jaw. "Why, why do you say shite like that?"

The demon shrugged, "It's the truth. You've heard what everyone says about me. I'm thoughtless, childish, a big fucking asshole, and I never think before I do. Manning called me a _monster_ once. Is that what you want?"

The younger man took a calming breath, trying to get his thoughts in order before he spoke. Everyone--including Manning--knew about his crush on Hellboy. Hellboy found out. Hellboy came to see for himself if he liked him. Hellboy wanted him to bugger off. He doesn't want to.

"My nan had a saying, there's polite talk and then there's pub talk."

"Cute."

"It means there's the talk you hear from strangers being nice and then there's the real talk you get from drunks and honest folk.. HB, I have ears. I hear what Sanders and Dent say about you. I read the papers when you're on the cover." Malcolm's face softened, "But I've talked to you, I listen to Lizzie when she brings up how you were her only friend. I smile when Abe says you're like a brother to him. And I've even talked to Johnny about us and he's all for it, encourages the idea really."

"And you still like me?"

"Hell yeah," Malcolm said, completely confident in his answer. 

Hellboy tried not to flush at the confirmation.

"Well now that we've established I see you for you, I have a big question for you, Red."

"What?"

"Do you like me back?"

Hellboy opened his mouth to speak but the words died on his tongue. Of course he liked Malcolm, he was a less tight ass version of his younger brother. He had hazel green eyes that were always bright and a lopsided grin he found charming. His voice was kind and always dripping with understanding. Even with the foot of distance between him and the shorter man, he could feel the fucking _good_ in him. So he thought about it.

He thought about leaning down and kissing his primrose pink lips and feeling his scruff rub against his red skin.

He thought about telling John Myers, their fucking boss, his intentions with his brother like they were in a Jane Austen book. 

He thought about watching Malcolm get dressed for the day in his smart suits. 

He thought about asking John to read his aura or whatever the hell he did to tell the future, to see if his still had Malcolm.

He thought about barking at agents who dared make fun of Malcolm for being with him even if he was dying inside.

He thought about pinning Malcolm down to his bed and not cover him in cats but his own _body_.

He thought about Liz, breaking the news to her and her just being so happy for him that he knew he wasn't doing anything wrong to the memory of their past love.

He thought about what would make him happy.

So he used his stone hand to gently shove Malcolm against a locker and lowered his head just so to press their lips together. The audible rush of air that hit his face gave him no indication of whether he'd crossed a line or sealed his fate of not being with the brunet. He got his answer when Malcolm's tongue flicked out shyly against his in kittenish licks. Eyes closed, Hellboy moved his hands to paw at the younger man who grabbed onto his neck for leverage. The demon couldn't remember the last time he felt such a tender touch from anyone besides Liz and his father. But here Malcolm was, soft and pliant under his hands and returning kiss for kiss, even going as far as pulling away to sink his dull canines into Hellboy's thick neck. The older agent's tail flicked out in delight before curling around Malcolm's right thigh and giving it a squeeze.

Once again, Hellboy used his stone hand to push back the younger man. He groaned when Malcolm opened his eyes and saw how large his pupils had gotten while they were fooling around.

"Think we should take this party back to my room."

"Good idea," Malcolm panted. 

* * *

_Knock knock_

"Come in!"

Liz entered John's office with a Cheshire grin on her face, when the man turned to look at her she was practically vibrating with excitement.

"Yeah?"

"Guess what I heard," the pyro said in a sing song voice.

"Uhh, Clay proposed to his girlfriend?"

"Nope, Red and Mal are boyfriends."

Just like Liz, John couldn't stop the smile from forming on his face as he laughed in delight at the good news. Oh, they'd be water cooler talk for an eternity.

"So," the dark haired woman's cheery expression never faltered, "I think it's in everybody's best interest if we get ahead of the rumour mill. You know, just to make sure nothing false is being spread about two people we care about."

"Elizabeth Sherman, are you insinuating that we gossip about HB and Malcolm?"

"That's exactly what I'm getting at, Director Myers."

John hummed, "I suppose if they're going to be water cooler talk, might as well be what our grandma called 'pub talk'."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my lovely little birdies! I know you're out there, I have nine user subscribers and I'll count that as a win. I hope you guys enjoyed this fic, especially you, Rachel. I combined two of my favourite movies for this, mostly bc I'm fucking weird and my mind goes to weird places a lot. Like have I told you guys *rambles for five hours, naps, continues rambling*?? Well now you know~!
> 
> Also guys, when performing a headlock, you really should reach back with whatever dominant hand and grab your shirt, hoodie, whatever you're wearing because it helps to anchor your position bc you're holding onto something. I think just grabbing onto your shoulder will suffice too. I learned that from Bart Kwan. :p
> 
> Oh, and I realized when I was checking the tags that I originally intended on having Krauss in this…. but I didn't. Sorry, my bad. Well I hope it was still enjoyable.
> 
> Again, I hope you guys loved this fic. Someday I'll write more Hellboy fics, I have plenty of ideas like the fact that Liz and John are both from Kansas so they probably bonded over their roots. O R if you like The Boy, I have other ideas too like a fic Rachel helped me come up with! Don't forget to brush your teeth, make a snack, paint your nails, go for a swim while the weather's still warn, buy something for five dollars off of Amazon, just enjoy the rest of your day~!
> 
> All my love,  
> Robin~


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